it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm both gender and math confused
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
