Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
