Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver