when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.