BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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