Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.