when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She even gives head with a lisp.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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