I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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