I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
