I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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