no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
