woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize