Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
