I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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