she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
