Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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