can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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