last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
