a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He has the fingertips of a God
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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