gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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