Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
