Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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