You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
