I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
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The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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