maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
