If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
