yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
