I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
