So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
