Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
