I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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