Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
