So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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