He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
sarcasm needs its own font
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
