i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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