I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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