im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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