He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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