i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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