my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
wow bdsm is so cute
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