I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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