I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
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