Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
