Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
