You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
