I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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