the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
