so that wasnt chicken after all
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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