We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
