too bad you live with your parents still
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think your dad took our porno
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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