Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
