The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
