we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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