That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
