Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
