I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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