if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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