Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
