I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
