Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize